As soon as your baby turns one, it feels like you’re suddenly bombarded with the question “so when’s the next one”...
If the truth be told, the thought of another young baby right now is slightly scary to me. Don’t get me wrong I’ve always hoped for more than one baby, especially being an only child myself but I’ve never given it the consideration so quickly after having Jax.
I see SO many mums now having a second baby (and making it look easy); it does beg the question, what would life be like with 2.
One of my major worries about having 2, is the question, are you able to give enough of your attention to your older child? They’ve been your central focus this whole time and have always had all of your time and energy. With a sibling involved, would he or she feel pushed aside if the focus wasn’t entirely on them anymore?
Katie tells me: absolutely NOT, and a tremendous amount of guilt comes with that. It is impossible to balance the attention between the two and constantly finding myself wondering - okay who needs me the most right now / who is the priority. Am I making the right decision? So do I let my newborn scream or have my toddler hungry waiting for food or needing a nappy change?
I only need to look at P’s face / behavior to know he is feeling left out or he’s bored. I’m lucky he is pretty happy to chill alone and play with his toys. But I just don’t have the time or any extra set of hands for that playtime or cuddle.
Do you miss out on their short time being so small? You’re always told “they’re only this small once” does having another baby distract you from soaking in their specific milestones and special moments.
Katie says: I don’t blame Aura, but I did miss out on P walking. He had taken his first steps long before then but actually walking around / no longer crawling, happened while we were in hospital for 5 days after my c-section. I can’t help but feel upset that I missed that moment in time / milestone. I also hadn’t left P more than 7 hours prior to having Aura, to then being apart from him overnight and not seeing him properly everyday for 5 days - broke my heart.
But what about if you don’t love your second baby as much as your first? Is it still as special? Could you even return to the madness of the baby/newborn stage?
Katie told me: If you want my 100% honest opinion - yes I do love Aura just as much, but it’s different. I don’t know how to even explain it, but P will always have that something special to me, after all he made me a mama. Things the second time around don’t seem as exciting because we know what to expect maybe? Maybe because we don’t have the time to focus on these special times with the newborn? It’s all about finding that balance and it is extremely difficult. While all this sounds rather negative, I am so unbelievably happy to have my two babies. And we know that they will have the most precious bond being so close in age as they grow older. ‘They’ll be the best of friends’ as they say. ️
We hadn’t planned to get pregnant straight away once we started trying, we were very lucky! We had initially planned a 20-24 month age gap (but closer to 2) and we ended up having them 16 months apart. We felt like we had to rush our babies along, both my husband and I are well into our 30’s. We didn’t want to wait and risk challenges conceiving again.
Two under two is hard work, physically / mentally / emotionally. You just have to be prepared to feel guilty, challenged and sometimes defeated. You definitely need some support. Because it really is impossible to meet all their needs, we are super mums, but we can’t do it all.
A big thank you to Katie for joining me on this post. I think it’s a subject a lot of mamas of one think about, and those who are expecting their second baby worry about. Its completely normal to question everything and hearing the honest opinions and truthful feelings from one mum to another is what motherhood is all about.